Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Secrets to successful 40 year marriage

It is really funny how I am now considered a professional in marriage.  It's my own doing, I guess, I just love telling people that we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary this weekend.  It is a big deal, considering that couples younger than us have already broken up.  We made it because we compromise well.  If you can't compromise....WELL then, things just don't work!  Amen end of sentence.

The other day, while at the bank, I told the young teller that we were going on 40 years.  She just got married and asked me to tell her ONE bit of advice.  Here is what I told her.
Make sure he know how to run the vacuum cleaner.  I'm not saying that he should be the one to clean the house from top to bottom, but he needs to know that most vacuum cleaners don't suck up spilled milk.   And once he knows how to run the vacuum and not suck up spilled milk, you need to teach him how to change the bag ( if your vacuum has one)  There is nothing worse than milk inside a bag, on the beaters and in the tube.  Just say'n.  And there is really a problem when nothing is said about vacuuming up milk with the BRAND NEW vacuum that you got as a wedding gift.

I have more advice.  Make sure that your new home is stocked with OLD towels and rags.  As gifts you received the matching sets for your bath and some great towels for your kitchen.  Guys just don't get that those towels are not for changing oil on a car, or mopping up spilled milk on a floor if the vacuuming didn't get it all.

I love being a professional at marriage.  Forty years!  YIKES!  I have lived longer with my husband than any other relationship I have had.

Advice on having kids.  Well, that was a no brainer.  If you do the math, our oldest turned 39 before we celebrated our 40th anniversary.  We didn't have time to discuss, argue or complain about getting pregnant.  There was no compromise either.  I was either pregnant or not.  No saying "I'm  kind of pregnant."  Just pregnant. SHOCKED, YES! Ten months after our wedding, we were parents.  I really have no advice.  I didn't have enough time to form an opinion.  Bing Bang Bong...PREGO!

Advice on choosing a home. In our first 5 years of marriage, we moved 6 times.  In the last 30 years we moved 3 times.  We have been in our present home 21 years.  We lived in 4 states and in one state twice!  I can tell you right now, I wouldn't change a thing about the moves. We made lasting friendships at each stop.  Tom's career evolved into something he never imagined.  And we added more little girls to our family!  I always abide by the saying, " No matter where you go, there you are!"  Ain't that the truth?????

Advice on decision making.  Tom and I can make decisions and live with them.  That is not always an easy feat.  If you spend too much time contemplating, then maybe the decision is to change course.
We don't dwell on things.  For this advice, the slogan is "Get 'er Done!"  I do need to add, that we don't make flippant decisions.  We research everything.  In fact, Consumer Report is Tom's favorite go too.  Always has a subscription to it.  Do we abide by their recommendations? Not always, but we consider the feedback.  And thank goodness for GOOGLE....where would any of us be?????

Here we are, senior citizens, married 40 years, starting a BEE RANCH, driving a RAM truck and watching the sunrise from a cabin porch.  Who would of thought forty years ago that two 22 year old college kids with $2000 in savings  and still paying college tuition would share so much?  Compromise.  Compromise, trust and love.
On our 38th anniversary in Fairhope, Al.