That Phone call....

You would think that I would be used to receiving phone calls from the school.  In fact, I should be an expert at recognizing the number on caller Id.

On most calls, they are concerns about Hope's health or her behavior.  She has a booger nose. She is farting too much.  Or she knocked over the table and chairs and wiped out the bookshelf.  Simple calls.

I remember once I got a call from the nurse with concerns that she had scabies.  When I picked her up, I was handed the health form that explained how she could possibly get them and how to treat her for it.  I can tell you, right now, the school nurse was not my friend.  I felt like she was condescending and needed to give me "the education".

Well, she did not have scabies on her scalp.  The night before she had poured an entire bottle of hair conditioner on her head and I sent her to school without it completely washed out.  Yes, it did look suspicious..but...HEY....it wasn't scabies!! Give me a break!

On a different call, I was told that she had pinworms because she was itching her butt. Think about it, don't you sometimes just HAVE to itch your butt?? That confrontation led to a printout on how to detect pinworms. This phenomenon involved purchasing a flashlight.  I never have one when I need one or I am out of batteries.  You see, this piece of medical equipment is for finding the pesky little worms in the middle of the night by shining the beacon up a butthole.  It is a fact that the little devils are active at night and come out of the butt. EWWWW. I don't know about you, but if someone came into my bedroom at night, spread my butt checks and shined a flashlight up my.......YOU GOT THE PICTURE....again...no pinworms....just another printout to put in our file of possible things to be called about by the school!  Same nurse!

Hope coughs and hacks and then sometimes throws up....It is daily, I wipe it up and get on with my day.  I got a call from the school nurse last year that insisted I take her home because she threw up.  She said that the flu was going around and Hope had it.  I argued....yes I did....and I lost!   I sent my daughter Bissy to pick her up....she argued also.  Bissy knows Hope....she knows her routine....she lost the battle of the barf  too.  Hope got home and was fine. She had to stay home for 2 days because of the "vomit rule"
 Vomit Rule
If you throw up in school, you must remain home for 24 hours.

Stupid rule.  With that rule, she would never go to school.  I got out her IEP ( because I knew for a fact that it was listed somewhere under CONCERNS that she vomits with a side notesaying don't send her home.)  I couldn't find those words anywhere but as I reread the IEP, I did find that she could wear crowns and bring dolls to school. Guess what she did that next day? YES,she wore a crown and a wig! And I bet anything....she threw up too!

Oh, the phone calls from school!  I never know if I should stop the car, turn it around and then answer.  Or if I should let it go to voicemail and let them call the home phone or just let them give Tom a call at work. Sometimes I just don't want to know what is happening in school!

Yesterday, I got the call.  I love having a smart car that all I have to do is push the little button on the steering wheel and answer my phone.....This time I didn't recognize the number.
On the other end was her teacher.   I gasped....because I am very good at gasping.
He said, " Hope is OK!"
I sighed....that is my calm.
He said, "But,".....
When he said "But" ,my immediate thought was "Someone else is NOT OK"
He said, "But, she brought some things in her backpack that probably shouldn't be here!"

My thoughts swirled. What could be the most embarrassing thing in the whole world sitting on the desk, at school, in front of teachers and helpers. My Bra? Tom's underwear?

I can't put anything past her. She steals my stuff all the time! And she would steal your stuff too!

On this phone call, I had to pull over. I had to fan myself with both hands!

Her teacher went on to explain, " She has an envelop that has all the car tag stickers dated 2017 that belong on your vehicles, I thought maybe you needed them.  And......."

He said, "AND...". I leaned over and cranked up the air conditioning, my imagination was going wild...where did she get the stickers, does that mean she has all the birth certificates and my wedding license too?

"And," he said, "She has an envelope from St Vincent Hospital, and some other important looking forms from Toyota."

All I could say in response was, " Whew!" and in my thoughts....Thank goodness it wasn't my underwear!

She brought 2 purses to school that day plum full of treasures that I knew nothing about.  Just her typical "pile".  That day she dumped everything out on the table to show and tell all.   And what she was most proud of was in her wallet....She had a twenty dollar bill!
This time, she wasn't sent home and there was no printout on how to remedy this dilemma. After she got home, I did get the tags on the vehicles but still haven't recovered my $20. That will be another day!

Phone Calls, sometimes you just gotta answer!